Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
