there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
