Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When are your genitals available?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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