I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
