you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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