u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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