My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
