i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
