i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
