So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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