can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
