She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
