They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
