we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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