I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
