My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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