Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
a search helicopter?!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
