"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
