My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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