I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
