I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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