anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This is my gift to your gina
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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