Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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