Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
