Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
