It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
