Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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