Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
