Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
