I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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