the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
