I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
