Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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