You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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