So drunk its hurt
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
