I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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