Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
