Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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