normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
