I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
