I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
