TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
