I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She's the barista slut.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
