I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
