If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
