You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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