he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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