Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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