my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
