That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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