I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
bring money and cleavage
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
