i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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