What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
