just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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