The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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