I have demons in me.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
