I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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