Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
