no, he came in my armpit
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm both gender and math confused
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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