After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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