Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
