I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
