Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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