So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Are we still banned from the library?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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