I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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