I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
