We need to rekindle our bromance
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
