you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
