You're completely useless in the revolution.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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