woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
