either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
