I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
