I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
