I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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