I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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