It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
