just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
